The Most Dangerous Addiction
The Most Dangerous Addiction
What Is It Costing You?
Tony Pray
The most dangerous, insidious, and deceptively benign addiction I've ever faced isn't what you'd expect. It is a silent dream killer, an always-ready-to-strike snake in the grass, the spider at the center of an invisible web…
“Hi, I'm Tony, and I'm an addict.”
My addiction? Comfort. It’s not as obvious as some other vices but just as real. The problem? Comfort kills. It ruins lives, families, and communities. With no fuss or bother, it destroys possibilities and steals the best of what life could be. My solution? Leaning hard into discomfort isn't just about personal growth—it's about reclaiming our lives from complacency.
When I was about twelve, I remember something my Dad told me. "Son, you're the hardest working person I know." "You'll work twice as hard to avoid work as it would take you to just do the job." He had captured my attitude perfectly.
I didn't mind hard work, as long as it wasn't boring or repetitive. Otherwise, I'd go miles out of my way to avoid it. If it wasn’t easy, I might not even try because who knows? I might fail or look silly.
Comfort is sneaky. What seems to be a way to avoid something unpleasant eventually turns into avoiding any challenges. “Why try [insert minor challenge here]? It looks hard.” “What if I fail? “Hey, it’s too [ hot, cold, rainy, windy, sunny, late, early ] to work out right now.”
Comfort addiction is habitual reliance on physical or emotional ease. It makes you seek out situations or environments that minimize stress, challenge, or discomfort. Major symptoms are the avoidance of difficult tasks and looking for immediate gratification. It’s just as dangerous in the long run as substance abuse or gambling.
We don’t call out comfort as a real problem. Here’s why:
Cultural acceptance - People see comfort as a positive goal. Marketing campaigns encourage consumers to buy products that make life easier, more convenient, or luxurious.
No immediate consequences - The bad effects of comfort addiction build slowly over time.
Invisibility - There are no physical symptoms. Choices that seem harmless (or even beneficial) at first glance, such as binge-watching TV shows, avoiding challenging tasks, or staying in a secure but unfulfilling job.
Perceived harmlessness - Relaxing on a couch, playing video games, or browsing social media seems normal and harmless. Unlike smoking or drinking, which have well-documented health risks, the dangers of excessive comfort are more abstract and long-term.
Stagnation - Choosing the path of least resistance makes sure you miss out on opportunities to develop new skills, face challenges, and achieve meaningful goals.
You are the average of your closest friends. Always choosing easy puts you in the company of others who always take the easy way. You’ll never be able to build a community of support you can depend on.
Staying too comfortable makes you less resilient, and capable. It ultimately makes you less than you would want yourself to be.
Being too comfortable means staying stagnant. I once bought a guitar and set out to learn how to play it. After a few weeks of starts and stops, I gave the guitar away. It was hard to sound good. I never played consistently enough to toughen my fingertips.
I had studied karate, competed in cross-country, lettered in gymnastics, and started successfully in the Marine Corps. I quit simply because it was harder than I imagined. I did not notice the irony that guitar practice was too tough for the big bad Marine.
Comfort Traps are everywhere.
Marketers make comfort seem as if it’s always positive as they push us to buy more to make life easy, luxurious, and safe. The problem is that comfort is fine… until it isn’t. You need to eat and drink but who wins when they sell you the supersized BIG MAC COMBO Meal? The extra-large sugar water concoction, all-you-can-eat buffet?
The hidden danger of comfort in the always-on, easily available, and simple-to-consume world of video games, fast food, and never-ending social media scrolling is that you are wired by default to go past the point where it’s healthy for you.
Leaning in on Discomfort
Most jobs are filled by people who self-select. People who picked a direction, built up credentials, and consistently delivered results filled the slots for all the desirable jobs. Everyone else went where random chance took them. Learning that lesson allowed me to stop letting my life drift and start paddling in the general direction I wanted to go.
"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.” - Tom Hanks as Jimmy Dugan in “A League of Their Own”
People rate public speaking as one of their number one fears. I guarantee that after you’ve delivered a hundred speeches, presentations, or pitches, you’ll no longer fear it. After a few dozen board-level presentations, I got over it and became the go-to for “interfacing with the board”. Lean in.
I feared starting my own business and avoided it for years. I got comfortable with the security of my regular paycheck. That comfort kept me from trying until I finally gathered the courage to launch my publishing business. That business eventually failed, but it taught me the importance of embracing discomfort. It also taught me important lessons about running a business. That early failure led to my later success in managing global IT projects for clients like IBM, AT&T, Wells Fargo, and Siemens. Lean in.
I’ve learned a little since I was 12. When I turned 60, I picked up the guitar again, but this time I’ve been at it for twelve years and I’m a pretty good musician, if only at home. At age 65 I published my first book. At 70, I earned my black belt in Aikido. I’m leaning in.
Practical Steps to Lean into Discomfort
Challenge yourself
Try new things, even when it’s not comfortable.
Seek out things that are hard to do and learn them.
Never stop learning.
Get past the initial discomfort for anything new. If you do something for sixty days and are diligent at it but still don’t enjoy it, then stop. You’ve gotten past the complete beginner stage and it’s just not for you.
Build yourself a community that encourages you to persist through initial discomfort.
It’s important to rest, relax, and be comfortable at times. Now is a good example. I believe I’ll take a nap. I’ve finished the work for this post. That was my challenge to myself for today.
Use comfort as a reward, not as a goal.
I wrote this post with assistance from ChatGPT 4o and Claude. Both AIs were asked to criticize my drafts and I used their best suggestions to improve it. Please comment on your thoughts about the results.
That’s My Perspective…