Life Feeling Like a Roller Coaster?
Maybe It's Time to Go Off the Rails.
Stop being a passive passenger in your own life. Do you feel like life's just happening to you, not because of you? Like you're strapped into a giant roller coaster you didn't design, can't control, and can't stop? Just riding, reacting? When did you agree to that?
The opposite of that feeling, the antidote, is Agency. You have to BELIEVE you have some control over your life. It can be hard to define precisely, but you absolutely know it when you see it. It boils down to feeling like you're making things happen, not just watching them happen.
Life can come at you hard, and usually the hard parts tend to gang up. We get conditioned to believe nothing we can do is going to matter anyway. Bullshit. What you decide to do ALWAYS matters. Sometimes it's only to you, but it does matter.
So where does this BS belief that 'nothing I can do matters' come from? Often, it's learned helplessness after setbacks – think of the writer who gives up after a few rejections. School often reinforces it, rewarding fitting in over standing out; blending in feels safer. Then there’s our habit of just accepting authority or 'how things are done' because it’s easier. That's how the feeling of being stuck takes root.
How do you break free? Start by getting a better perspective on what's really possible. When a problem feels impossible, ask the reality check: 'Does solving this actually defy the laws of physics?' If not, then it can be done, no matter how hard it looks.
Often, the real enemy isn't the mountain ahead, it's the fog of vagueness. Fuzzy questions like 'What should I do with my life?' just spin your wheels. The antidote is clarity. Get specific. Write it down. Talk it out. Instead of 'I need a new job,' ask 'What tasks energize me? What drains me?'
Sometimes asking about the flip side helps cut through the fog: What outcome do you absolutely want to avoid? What actions guarantee failure? Knowing what you don't want sharpens focus.
Once you have some clarity, ask this key question: 'What's one tiny thing I can do right now to make this just one bit better?'
Knowing something's possible isn't enough; Agency is built by doing. You get off that roller coaster by getting off your butt and taking one small step – that 'one tiny thing'.
The trick is to make that first step laughably small. Think about something you want – maybe 'feel less isolated.' Action: 'Reach out to old friend Sarah.' Okay, break that down smaller: What's the absolute first physical thing? Maybe Step 1 is just finding Sarah's contact info. Just find the info. That's the action for now.
Doing that tiny thing right now is the magic key. It proves to your brain you can act, you do have control over this. Each tiny step chips away at feeling stuck. You might even feel a little jolt from it, a sense of 'Okay, I did that.' That's your Agency waking up.
Agency is built, through consistent small actions. It's a skill. It's a muscle. It's built by questioning limits and taking small steps. Each step builds evidence, proving to yourself you can make a difference. You don't have to stay strapped into the roller coaster forever. Go off the rails, one tiny piece at a time. What's the first micro-step you can take, right now?
My thanks and gratitude to George Mack for his in-depth and thoughtful article, "High Agency In 30 Minutes," on SubStack, which provided significant inspiration for the concepts discussed here.
Author's Note: I worked with my AI assistant, James, as a sparring partner and editor throughout the writing of this piece.
That’s My Perspective