I'm Sorry...
What Makes a Real "I'm Sorry"?
When my oldest was about 14, he tried to do a load of laundry on his own. I was pleased, until I saw the blue wave of soap all over the laundry room floor and the washing machine because he'd left the liquid soap uncapped on the washer lid. When the spin cycle hit, the whole gallon fell. I pointed it out to him, and his response was a curt "My bad."
"Never ruin an apology with an excuse." - Benjamin Franklin
It wasn't until days later that I learned he'd made his younger brother clean up the mess. I had let the initial "My bad" slide, and it felt too late to address the cleanup. Looking back, I truly regret not using a teachable moment then. I'm sincerely sorry.
The way you say it matters. Simply saying "Sorry" isn't enough. A dismissive or curt response isn't a real apology; it just feels like annoyance at being called out. Don't make a bad situation worse.
I grew up where you didn't apologize for every little thing. In karate or on a construction site, apologies were for real harm or significant mistakes. Today, we hear many small, almost automatic apologies. I've found that a meaningless apology can sometimes feel worse than silence.
So, if you genuinely want to apologize, here are some key things to remember:
• Acknowledge your mistake: Say you were wrong and take responsibility. For example, "Sorry, that was my fault."
• Correct the problem immediately: Make a real effort to fix what you did and undo any damage.
• Commit to change bad behavior: If your actions caused the problem, admit it and promise to change.
• Learn from the mistake: This is crucial. Change how you do things so it doesn't happen again. If you repeat the mistake without learning, you can lose trust completely.
Apologies are really about repairing trust. They are about repairing the social damage we cause. A real apology shows your character and whether people can trust you. Quick, thoughtless apologies without fixing the problem just break down trust.
Thanks for reading. What are your thoughts on what makes a real apology? Share in the comments below.
Special Thanks: Big thanks to James, my AI assistant, for helping me put these thoughts together.
That's My Perspective