A Quick Look Back
“It’s a long and winding road” - The Beatles. “The Long and Winding Road.” Let It Be, Apple Records, 1970.
A review of the journey so far is in order:
Every once in a while, a look back is called for. I don’t do it often, because I believe that life should be lived while looking forward. I do it to see if I can figure out what happened when things went wrong and to appreciate where I’ve been. I want to see how far I’ve come, pick up any lessons I can, and check for what I should be careful about when I resume the journey.
The regrets I still have are about the ways that I hurt people, whether I meant it or not. They say, “Regrets are just wishing for a better past.” but I disagree. By having some emotional punch to them, my regrets help me avoid repeating mistakes. Most of the challenges I faced made me into the me that I am, so I have no regrets about the hardships or obstacles I ran into, only about the ways I treated people.
Some things I’d tell my younger self:
1. Thanks!
I’d start with a heartfelt thank you for spending all those hours in the gym, on running trails, and in dojos. Your gym rat habits have kept me strong and healthy all of my life. My workouts are still one of the best parts of my life.
Thanks for quitting smoking too! I remember how hard it was and how many times you tried before you could finally quit. My entire body thanks you!
Thanks for reading all your life and for taking those classes and seminars. you made me learn and keep learning. Turns out that that’s a lot of fun. You know how you almost flunked Algebra because of the boring teacher you disliked so much? You’ll be happy to know that I’m taking Algebra classes through Khan Academy (free computer-based classes that didn’t exist when you were in school). It turns out that solving inequalities is more fun than doing Sudoku puzzles. Algebra is my latest obsession!
2. Be Careful!
Watch out for your obsessions. When your obsessions lead to negative consequences, that’s an addiction. You got us completely addicted to smoking (One of my nicknames at work was Smokey). I realize that we have a personality that makes it extremely easy to get obsessed with things.
Obsessions are fine as long as they are good for us. Obsessed with Aikido, guitar, and Algebra - Go for it unless they start to mess with your family or the rest of your life. Obsessed with smoking, gambling, porn, overeating? You name an obsession. If it produces negative consequences, it’s an addiction. Thank you for avoiding most of them. I’m still having trouble with our salted nut addiction though.
3. Don’t be a jerk!
The things I truly regret most now are the times I hurt people, intentionally or not. Studies show that at the end of our lives, most people regret the things they didn’t do. Not so true for me. We missed some chances but took a lot of them and that worked out okay.
Watch your sarcastic comments or “witty” remarks. They often have unintended consequences. You’ll hurt people in ways that will take years to fix.
Friends are the most valuable thing. Try to maintain a healthy network of family and friends. When I left the workforce, I realized I had lots of friendly acquaintances but few real friends. Treasure your family and friends
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Now it’s time to leave regrets behind, face forward, and continue the journey.
That’s my perspective…